Learn To Forgive and Forget
I am sure everyone has heard the old saying, “It’s easier to forgive than to forget,” when it comes down to it, the truth is that unless you can forget you never really forgive. Forgiving is excusing someone for their offense but unless you are also willing to forget you aren’t truly forgiving them. When you refuse to forget a wrong action against you, it results in a grudge between you and the other person. Maybe you told them that you have forgiven them, but the memory of their actions remains and creates a lack of trust. The only true forgiveness involves both forgiving and forgetting and this can only be achieved by understanding the other person’s feelings as well as your own. You both need to express your feelings in a rational manner and realize that your relationship is more important than being right, then you can accept your partner’s apology.
Maybe you have been wronged in a situation and your feelings of anger may be completely justified but it’s important to understand your feelings before you can forgive and forget. It’s important that you realize that the actions of the other person has hurt you and made you angry, but reacting in a hostile manner will not be beneficial to your relationship. Even though your feelings and anger can be justified, taking time to work through these emotions and understanding them will help you to forget your partner’s actions. Do not rush to offer forgiveness before you have had the chance to vent your emotions or it will be difficult for you to forgive your partner.
You both need to calmly communicate, and understand why they committed this offense. It would not be fair to make assumptions about why they acted the way they did. Give them a chance to discuss their side of the situation, this will give you a better understanding of why they acted the way they did. Maybe everything was a misunderstanding or you were not hurt intentionally. When you let the other person a chance to offer their side of the situation you will be able to see their motives. When you discuss and understand your emotions and your partner’s emotions this will help you to forgive and forget.
When you can deal with your own emotions in a calm and rational manner, you have made the first important step to forgiving and forgetting. You may be completely justified in your feelings of anger but it’s important that you not act strictly on emotion in this situation. Speaking and acting out of anger will elevate the tension and deter the forgiveness process. Take some time for yourself to manage your own feelings and collect your thoughts, then when you approach your partner you can speak about your feelings in a rational manner. It is always best to wait until both of you are ready to speak about the situation in a calm and rational manner. Wait until both parties have calmed down to make sure that neither one speaks out of anger and destroys the chance for forgiveness.
An important part of forgiving and forgetting is that you must value your relationship more than being right in an argument. There are times you may be right in a situation, but being right is not usually worth destroying the relationship. If you can put your love for your partner ahead of being right you will be more willing to forgive and forget. Forgiving and forgetting will make your relationship flourish because working through conflicts makes a relationship stronger.
Unless you are truly willing to accept your partner’s apology you can never really forgive and forget . When you feel that the apology isn’t genuine that will damage the relationship because you will never forget their offending action. Listen to your partner’s apology and have faith in them that their apology is heartfelt and genuine. Then let them know that you accept their apology and are willing to not let this situation interfere with your future interactions, as long as you truly do accept the apology.
You can’t really forgive someone if you don’t agree to forget the offense. When you refuse to forget, that indicates a lack of trust in your partner. While deciding to forgive and forget is a personal matter a few suggestions are to understand your feelings as well as the feelings of your partner, taking the time to calmly rationalize your emotions before you act on them, value your relationship enough to forgive and accept their apology with an open heart.
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