Two Making Up

Post by Liz:

Well, well, well, there are many crossroads in a woman’s life. We have childhood, puberty, dating, marriage, child rearing and what seems to be the last one before you are officially an old lady – The curse of Starting Menopause. Some women claim to have no sign of its symptoms, and I loathe these women. Oprah claims to never have experienced a hot flash. “She doesn’t know what she is missing”.

For example if you live in the Midwest where the winters are cold, long and ugly a hot flash can warm you better than a cup of hot cocoa. Husbands of menopausal women everywhere, sleep in a refrigerated bedroom and drive through blizzards with the car windows down. The smart husbands suck it up and put on some extra socks.

Menopause does not make you crabby per say, it is the lack of sleep that makes you forget the names of things, the day of the week, mix up pets and children’s names and ask the weather forecast three time before you commit it to memory. Years of not sleeping is the culprit. We don’t sleep when we have babies, raise our teens or attempt to launch our college bound children. And just when you think you can decompress and start sleeping all night and then “BAM” as Emeril Lagasse would say, it’s flash time.

At my job, there are many of us afflicted with this evil curse of menopause, some older, some having had hysterectomies and some of us just beginning. It’s like the “Sweaty Club”, we can just look at each other and know. “You’re flashing, aren’t you”, “Oh my god it is so hot in here”, “I am going to die of hot or spontaneously combust”. In the washroom after lunch I notice that my foundation has once again congealed into a new crease on my chin (I never call them wrinkles).

Other things start happening to your body during menopause as well. I rarely stand naked in the mirror anymore. The last time I did, my ass had disappeared and was replace by two thick pancakes. The next time I did, my ass seemed to have shown up where my waist once was.

I read somewhere, that menopause can be a great liberator and sex can be fantastic without the fear of preganacy. They don’t tell you that you can’t get pregnant, because you don’t feel like having sex. It is more like “Honey you can spoon me until I throw the covers off, then back it up baby”.

Philosophically, I know that this is just another of many crossroads in a woman’s life and for the most part I am more comfortable in my own skin (even though it is a little looser now) than I ever was as a younger woman.

It helps to keep in mind what one of my co-menopausal customers once told me, “These are not Hot Flashes, they are Power Surges”.

Liz
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